Monthly Archives: March 2015

Book Release!

Special Needs Parenting, , , , , ,

Books Arrived Watermarked

In many ways, writing a book is much like having a baby.  It involves a very long process of development and much excitement and anticipation toward the end until, finally, the day arrives.  I am delighted to let my blog readers know Special Needs Parenting: From Coping to Thriving has been released.  I wrote this book to offer emotional and spiritual support for parents and loved ones on the journey with special needs as part of living out my calling in ministry. The Hope and Healing Institute where I work has offered tremendous support to me during the research and writing process.  It has been a wonderful journey as I developed pilot support groups through a variety of settings. I have been blessed to meet inspiring parents and the time we spend together each week has been filled with holy moments, feeling the presence of God working within the lives of individuals seeking nurture and support.  The shared laughter and tears as we wrestle with some of life’s greatest challenges has forged friendships that will no doubt continue for years.

Special Needs Parenting is just making its way into distribution channels, yet as I spoke at the Faith Inclusion Network conference in Virginia Beach this past week I had my first encounter with a person who had already ordered my book. He attended my workshop and talked to me afterwards, telling me about how he plans to use the book in his ministry to special needs families.  In a way, my “baby” is taking its first toddling footsteps out into the world. It is nice to hear there are embracing arms waiting to welcome it!

In writing this book I opened a window into my private life as a special needs parent and share my journey freely with others.  I have been asked, “How on earth do you get the courage to write a book like that?” I understand the question. This book is written from a place of great vulnerability and I made a conscious decision to do so.  The reality is that all parents on the special needs journey regularly experience that vulnerability.  Is there a place for me and for my child?  Will we be accepted? Will we be judged for our differences?  As parents we can become fiercely protective, with the side-effect of also becoming isolated. In the willingness to share our vulnerability with each other, openly encountering in community our common emotional and spiritual challenges, we find there connection, understanding and healing. If I cannot reveal myself to my readers, how can I expect them to go without me to that vulnerable place of hope and healing?

In the coming weeks I will share excerpts of Special Needs Parenting: From Coping to Thriving in hopes that they will be a blessing to you.  If you would like to know more about Special Needs Parenting, click here for my website.  There you can learn more about the book, read feedback from past participants and discover what other disability ministry leaders have to say about this resource. Currently the book can be ordered through the publisher Huff Publishing and Amazon.

Blessings,

Rev Doc Lorna

 

 

Wandering Through the Woods

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Weston Woods Watermarked

He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.  (MarK 6:31 NRS)

This past weekend I had the opportunity to lead a retreat in the country.  We were a small gathering, but every person arrived with a sense of needing respite and renewal. Each left refreshed, armed with new tools of self-discovery and a sense of community.

The first day, with dry weather and an open afternoon, allowed time for exploration of walking paths on gently rolling hills past ponds and hay fields.  I came across a little worn path, Weston Woods.  My curiosity got the best of me as I stopped off the main, well-groomed trail and began meandering through the woods. Up and down I went, past creeks and the remains of bonfires of the past. The other paths were recognizable, carefully explained to me by my host.  But this path was unfamiliar and rugged. The solitude embraced me, my mind wondering all the while, “Why am I on this path? Should I be here? What lies ahead?”

The tracks of the deer put me at ease. The lasting impressions of their sturdy hooves in the soft soil told me I was heading someplace familiar to many, if not to me. The trees were so thick that I couldn’t see very far down the path where I was headed, but I trusted the ones who had gone there before to guide me. The reward for my patience revealed itself in an open meadow with one spectacular and ancient oak holding court in the center. How wonderful are the works of your hand, O God! Such beauty tucked away as a jewel awaiting discovery. The peaceful shade under its wide branches echoed to me Christ’s words, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourself and rest a while.”

My journey as a special needs parent reminds me of my time in the woods.  It was a world I entered by stepping off the familiar path of parenthood that I had expected, that one reserved for “typical parents” and for which I had carefully prepared.  I found myself wondering, “Why am I on this path? Should I be here? What lies ahead?” Even as I felt a little lost, I trusted the trailblazers who had gone before, following along in their footsteps. Moments of loneliness and shadow giving way to beauty and joy, discovering anew God’s promise that all of creation is beautifully and wonderfully made. My role is to trust and follow and allow the journey to unfold.

Guiding God, Thank you for leading when we cannot see the way. Thank you for renewal when we feel tired. Thank you for surprising us with beauty in unexpected places.  Amen

Focus on Marriage, Part 4: Staying Connected

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Golden Wedding Ring by Danilo Rizzuti courtesy of FreeDigitalphotos

“We are often too exhausted to care.  We co-parent, we just happen to be married.”

 Married with Special Needs Children: A Couples’ Guide to Staying Connected

Raising children with special needs takes a lot of time and attention. The time and attention spent nurturing a child necessarily come from some part of a parent’s life. Typically the time that couples have for each other can be dramatically reduced.  One of the key concerns parents have shared with me time and again is how little quality time they have with their spouse. What time they do have together is often spent in conversation about children. Gradually their relationship shifts further and further from receiving time and attention. In talking with parents they discussed common challenges:

  • Guilt
    • Feeling guilty for leaving your child
    • Feeling guilty for “imposing” on others for help so that you can have time alone with your spouse
    • Feeling guilty for needing a break
  • The need to tag team parent for a child who needs constant supervision
  • Busy schedules
  • Exhaustion
  • Placing all of your child’s needs ahead of your partner’s needs
  • Sleeping arrangements

With so many aspects of special needs life pulling for time and attention it is no wonder it can be a challenge to stay connected. It may take forming an intentional plan to help keep the relationship on track.  What aspects of your relationship with your spouse are most important? How can you move quality time in those areas to the center of attention for both of you?

Suggestions for staying connected:

  • Regularly set aside time to talk and listen.
  • Keep dating weekly or as often as you can, even if it is just meeting for lunch while children are at school. Look into respite programs through local churches or other special needs agencies with trained volunteers and staff who can offer specialized care.
  • Flirt with your spouse. Keep intimacy alive.
  • Evaluate sleeping arrangements. Who sleeps where and why? If sleeping with children in order to monitor their status overnight, technology can be helpful (seizure alert, video monitor, intercom).
  • Change your routine and look for new adventures. There is nothing wrong with “dinner and a movie,” but change it up every now and then. Create a scavenger hunt. Go to a concert. Play tourist in your own town.
  • Plan a surprise. A favorite story from a parent was of a time she came home from work and was surprised that her spouse drawn a hot bath, complete with candle light and spa music.  He told her, “I’ve got the kids and you’ve got 30 minutes until dinner.” Years later she still says it is one of the best gifts she ever received.
  • Check in regularly throughout the day. Even a quick phone call or text message lets your spouse know he or she is on your mind.
  • Show appreciation for even the smallest of tasks. Offer compliments.
  • Exercise together. Walking counts and also provides some alone time for quality conversation.
  • Share hobbies or at least show interest in your spouse’s hobbies. My spouse and I traded our hobbies of running and scuba diving.  Neither of us had the slightest interest at first, and I actually had a hefty dose of fear of drowning and fish with big teeth.  Once we started we found we really enjoyed each other’s activities. My spouse finished his second marathon last weekend and we have several scuba trips on the calendar.
  • Celebrate accomplishments, both big and small.

These are just a few suggestions for staying connected in the midst of parenting. I’d love to hear other ideas you have to share.

The rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.” Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:22-24 NRS)

Loving God, We thank you for our life partners and the relationships that bless us with nurture and support.  At times the business of life causes us to pay less attention and receive less attention than we want. Help us to find pathways of connection to the ones who love us and know us best. Help us honor you in those relationships. Amen

Lorna Bradley

Golden Wedding Ring by Danilo Rizzuti courtesy of  FreeDigitalphotos