Tag Archives: Lorna Bradley

A Bag of Leaves and 13.1 Miles: Piece of Cake!

Autism, Special Needs Parenting, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

1024px-Leaf_rake_and_leaves

“Let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:1 NRSV)

Leaves drop late here in Texas and raking under the red oak on my front lawn is a regular Saturday activity for me lately.  Recently my neighbor called to me from across the street as I worked, “Lorna, did you run that half marathon downtown today?”

Rake. Rake. Rake. “Yes.”

“And you are out here raking leaves?”

Rake. Rake. Rake. “Seems like as good a time as any.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

Rake. Rake. Rake. “Kind of, but it needs to be done.”

Shaking his head as he walks away, “I wish I could find that motivation.”

Running 13.1 miles and raking a bag of leaves isn’t hard.  Coping with autism induced emotional meltdowns in public, now that is hard.  Teaching handwriting to a child with dysgraphia, now that is hard. Getting wheelchairs in and out of stores, now that is hard. Facing a long summer without a single playdate or birthday invitation, now that is hard. Enduring the unwelcome stares of strangers, now that is hard.

As parents, of course we get tired.  Yet we find the motivation because it needs to be done.  In comparison, a bag of leaves and 13.1 miles is a piece of cake!

Enduring God, Give us strength when we are tired, motivation when we want to stop, and hope in you in all things. Amen

Photo: By David Goehring (Flickr: Fall Labors) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

There’s No Place Like Home, There’s No Place Like Home…

Special Needs Parenting, , , ,

Rainbow_Gathering_welcome_home

Three times a year I get to go home and see my mom.  It’s hard living far away. Each time I start to get excited to see her as the date gets closer and I feel sad when I have to leave. Having my next trip already scheduled softens the blow.

There is nothing like going home. It is a welcome respite. I sleep better when I am there and the air in my hometown feels fresher, the colors are brighter, the songs of the birds are sweeter. Whether we are canning peach preserves or baking cookies or going for an adventure to the beach, the days are marked by laughter and new memories. It is true what they say. There is no place like home.

I hope whatever place is home for you is a place that you get to visit often and refresh your soul.

I do not cease to give thanks for you as I remember you in my prayers. (Ephesians 1:16 NRSV)

Renewing God, Thank you for my mom and a respite that renews the soul.  May all be so blessed. Amen.

Photo: Welcome Home with Rainbow Originally uploaded by Jaknouse (Transferred by Gobonobo) (Originally uploaded on en.wikipedia) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I Have A Dream, Too

Special Needs Parenting, Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

Martin_Luther_King_-_March_on_Washington

Then afterward I will pour out my spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.(Joel 2:28 NRS)

Four iconic words ring the air today. They are woven into the fabric of our nation even as they help us celebrate the life, vision and ministry of a man gone too soon.

“I have a dream …”

Standing up for justice and creating social change is hard.  It takes vision and determination. It takes breaking down walls and stereotypes and creating in their place dialogue and relationships. It takes embracing a dream and working diligently with others to make it a reality. It also takes time. Lots of time.

Thinking of Dr. King, he has inspired a nation and set in motion a movement that continues beyond his years.  He alsp left as his legacy a model for change.

Listening to his speech once more makes me realize that I have a dream, too.

I have a dream that all children, on or off the spectrum, with or without a genetic difference, with or without typical body, will have friends. I have a dream that bullying will end and understanding will take its place. I have a dream that child and adult alike will be accommodated for their differences out of a sense of equality and compassion. I have a dream that everyone who wants to be part of a church will find ministries ready to receive them.  I have a dream that no parent will feel alone on the journey with special needs.  I have a dream that all families, whatever their shape and size, will grow in resilience rather than being torn apart by disability. I have a dream that communities full of understanding will offer refuge, hope and healing for the heart and soul.

My dream keeps me up late at night and prompts me out of bed early in the morning. My dream makes “good enough” not an option. My dream leaves me exhausted and stretched too thin at times, but filled with joy and hope as well. My dream connects me with others who share my vision for social change in the area of special needs and work toward it diligently. My dream keeps me grounded in God’s path for me and guides what I do every day.

I will never be the leader Dr. King was, but he inspires me with what is possible. I too have a role to play in making the collective dreams of many families living with disability become reality. We all do.

When you dream of the future, what do you see?  How are you helping that dream come a step closer day by day?

God of our visions, thank you for directing us to better live as your people. Help us to always strive for your justice. Create for us a dream for the world as you would have it and inspire us to follow your vision. Amen.

 

“Martin Luther King – March on Washington” by Unknown? – This media is available in the holdings of the National Archives and Records Administration, cataloged under the ARC Identifier (National Archives Identifier) 542069. Public Domain.

Six Things Special Needs Parents Wish You Knew

Special Needs Parenting, , , , ,

Pencil with Cheklist by cuteimage

“So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. (Luke 11:9-10 NRS)

While the special needs world can feel isolating, many times there are people in our lives who want to reach out in a meaningful way but are unsure what to do. At times concerns about causing offense or being intrusive create barriers to understanding.  Bridging the communication gap with special needs families can open the door to supportive resources that improve family and personal resilience. Jesus teaching to ask, seek and knock ring true. Here are a few suggestions that may help improve understanding of the world of a special needs parent:

  1. We can use help from time to time, but may feel uncomfortable asking for it. It doesn’t have to be something big. Even a small gesture like picking up a prescription at the store or meeting a child as they get off the bus can be a big help. If a family has a child with fragile health or impaired mobility, having a list of folks to call on can be a life saver.
  2. We need friends. Special needs parenting can be isolating due to differences. We appreciate it when people make the effort to reach out. It is hard for us to do so because we often receive rejection.
  3. We like to be included. At times our families have a hard time being part of activities due to physical, intellectual or behavioral differences. We may be hesitant to try new things. It’s nice to be invited and then welcomed if we feel brave enough to try something new.
  4. We need to talk. An important part of coping well with stress is being able to share with others. It helps process feelings. It is validating to be heard.
  5. Our “normal” family day may look different than that of other families, but it is neither tragic nor heroic. It is simply different.
  6. We don’t mind answering questions. A great way to build bridges is simply to understand the differences with which we live. Approach the discussion from a positive perspective rather than, “What’s wrong with…?” Perhaps try, “Since your son is non-verbal please teach me how to communicate with him,” or “I would like to have your daughter over for a play day and I understand she sometimes has seizures. Can you teach me what to do if that happens at my home?”

 

Gracious God, help us share our story in a way that others can hear and understand. Amen.

Photo: “Pencil with Checklist” Image courtesy of cuteimage at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

 

Christmas Eve Gift!

Special Needs Parenting, , , , , , ,

512px-Maino-adoracion_reyes

In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for see– I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: 11 to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.” (Luke 2:8-12 NRS)

I share my grandfather’s birthday, Christmas Eve.  He was the seventh son out of sixteen children. His family had modest gifts at Christmas, one per child. His parents had a tradition that whoever woke up first on Christmas Eve would get an extra present to sweeten the deal.  Since my grandfather’s birthday gift and Christmas gift were often combined into one gift (he noted of exactly the same value as what everyone received), he was highly motivated to claim the prize by being the first one Christmas Eve morning to shout out, “Christmas Eve gift!”

Apparently he renewed the tradition the year I was born early on a Christmas Eve. I’m told he ran through the house like a giddy child, “Christmas Eve gift! Christmas Eve gift!” The birth of a baby eclipsed the rest of the holiday festivities.

The birth of a baby changes everything. The birth of one particular baby changed the world.

My prayer for you today is that the joy of the gift of the Christ child fills your soul. A fragment of the Christmas carol “O Little Town of Bethlehem” keeps coming to mind, “The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.” May Christ fulfill your hopes and calm your fears. May you get to simplify Christmas, enjoy the day with family, and may the spirit of Christ be born in you anew today. I can think of no better Christmas Eve gift.

Christmas Blessings!

Rev Doc Lorna

Photo:  Juan Bautista Maíno [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

Joseph: The Quiet One in Back

Special Needs Parenting, , , , , , , , ,

Domenico di Pace Beccafumi [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons (2)

Overheard unpacking a nativity set one year when Joseph was misplaced, “You know, we really don’t need Joseph.  If we don’t find Joseph it wouldn’t matter.”

Huh?

“You have to have Mary and you have to have Jesus, but Joseph isn’t necessary.”

I beg to differ.  Joseph is INCREDIBLY necessary. The Bible doesn’t tell us much about Joseph. You can read the passages in which he is mentioned in a few minutes, but you can also paint quite a portrait of the man who raised Jesus.

Foremost, he was faithful. He was faithful to Mary and he was faithful to God.

This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. 19 Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. 20 As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21 And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: 23 “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’ ” 24 When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. (Mat 1:18-24 NLT) 

It is easy to lose sight of what is remarkable when the story is so well known.  The way that Joseph remained present and committed is commendable.  In the special needs community it is also rare.  One of the advisors of my ministry is Steve Rhatigan, an attorney who helps families plan for the financial future of their children.  On our first meeting he shared with me that all too often the dads “check out” and moms raise their children solo. He helps families deal with the hard side of that reality.  What he told me wasn’t news.  I’m far too familiar with the statistics.

What about the example of Joseph? Joseph stayed when it was hard. Joseph stayed when the custom of his day was to leave. Joseph stayed and protected the family.

After the wise men were gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up! Flee to Egypt with the child and his mother,” the angel said. “Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

 14 That night Joseph left for Egypt with the child and Mary, his mother,  15 and they stayed there until Herod’s death. This fulfilled what the Lord had spoken through the prophet: “I called my Son out of Egypt.” (Mat 2:13-15 NLT)

It would be nice to think it was easy for Joseph to do the right thing.  I doubt it was.  He fled his country with his family under fear of death. He eventually returned with them to Nazareth where there was likely small town gossip.  He parented an extraordinary child and it wasn’t easy. I wonder, where did Joseph find support?

Today, Jeff Davidson seeks to fill that gap for fathers.  He founded Rising Above Ministry and authored the book “No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches” about his journey as a special needs dad.  Realizing the unmet need for support for dads, he founded the “No More Vacant Dads” initiative.  This is a positive ministry with a mission to preserve, encourage and equip special needs dads. Still in the start-up phase, there is a long-term vision for coaching and mentoring.  You can learn more about Jeff’s ministry through GoodnightSuperman.com.

I see Jeff’s mission in ministry as equipping dads who have the heart of Joseph. Joseph was the nurturer, the equipper, the protector and the faithful follower of God. We need Joseph in the story. He is so much more than the quiet one in the back.

Father God, we thank you for the example of Joseph and for his faithfulness to you. It is so hard when times are challenging.  It is so tempting to walk away. Nurture fathers with your courage and strength. Help each parent, mothers and fathers alike, find the heart of Joseph.  Amen.

Photo: Domenico di Pace Beccafumi [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Review: The Caregiver’s Notebook by Jolene Philo

Special Needs Parenting, , , , , ,

Caregiver's Notebook

I want to let my readers know about a wonderful new resource that was published in November.  Jolene Philo’s new book The Caregiver’s Notebook provides a convenient way to organize in one place information that is often needed when coordinating multiple therapies and doctor appointments.  This is a great resource for folks trying to bring some organization to medical information. This handy binder has multiple tabs, including:

  • Calendar
  • Contacts
  • Medical History
  • Insurance
  • Legal Documents
  • Bible Reading Guide
  • Prayer Guide

This resource offers a great way to organize at your fingertips much information that is needed over and over again when coping with medical issues.  The Bible reading plan and prayer guide are very handy when spending many hours in waiting rooms and hospitals. The convenience of having a history of medical tests, plus current and previous medications, seems invaluable whether going to the hospital in the midst of an emergency or making a first office visit to a new physician or therapist.  In addition to being a great resource for caring for a child with special needs, I can see ways this book would also be useful in caring for aging parents or for anyone going through a medical crisis such as cancer. The Caregiver’s Notebook is well organized, thoughtfully laid out and beautifully presented in a durable hardcover spiral book.

About the author: Jolene is a well known and highly regarded expert in the special needs community. She speaks frequently at special needs and foster care conferences around the country and conducts special needs ministry training workshops for churches. Jolene Philo is the daughter of a disabled father, and she parented a child with special needs. She’s a former educator with 25 years of public school experience. Her books related to special needs include the Different Dream series and The Caregiver’s Notebook. Her blog, www.DifferentDream.com, offers practical resources and spiritual encouragement for caregivers. You can also find a video series on her site in which she demonstrates how to use The Caregiver’s Notebook. The link to the first entry is:  http://www.differentdream.com/2014/11/caregivers-notebook-vlog-series-how-to-use-it/

 Jolene

Jolene and her husband Hiram live in Boone. They are parents of two married children and grandparents to one adorable toddler, with two more babies on the way. You can connect with Jolene on Facebook (@A Different Dream for My Child), (Twitter( @jolenephilo),
Pinterest (JolenePhilo), LinkedIn ( Jolene Philo), and at her websites, www.DifferentDream.com and www.JolenePhilo.com.

 

Come Away to a Quiet Place

Special Needs Parenting, , , , , , , , ,

Michelle Serving Ice Cream Watermark

Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat. (Mark 6:31 NLT)

Have you ever been that busy? Busy like Jesus with so much going on that you don’t even have time to eat? I sometimes get to the end of the day so hungry. My husband asks, “Did you forget to eat again? How can you forget to eat?” “I don’t know. There was a lot to do and I just forgot.” Sometimes I don’t notice that the tank is empty until it is well past empty.

One of the greatest gifts in my life is the time that I get to spend with parents who are raising children with special needs. We learn so much from each other as we share stories about life with our kids and support each other through all kinds of challenges. As the holidays approach I found myself thinking, what can I give these parents? What do they need most?

What they need most is time away at a quiet place. They need their tanks filled. They need respite. They need to recharge their batteries before the hectic time of year with holidays, changed routines, and many more expectations that come with the season.

It wasn’t too hard to figure out what they need, but it took a bit more thinking to come up with how to give that gift. Then an amazing coincidence (also called a God sighting), a friend offered the use of her home in the country. It is one of those beautiful places like a picture postcard with rolling hills, trees older than my great-grandparents, and peaceful solitude that is so elusive in the city. What a welcome retreat!

We spent the day looking into ways to engage in spiritual, emotional and physical self-care. We took time for meditation, explored scripture, took the temperature of our emotions, and relaxed by the pool with some late afternoon yoga to burn off the ice cream our hostess surprised us with from the local creamery. It was a perfect day away and I was still giggly happy days later.

There is no shame in needing time away. Even Jesus took time away in a quiet place to rest. Perhaps that was the key to him and his disciples keeping up with so many obligations.  I know all of us who took the time for our mini-retreat are entering the busy holiday season with renewed energy, feeling peaceful and centered. My prayer for you this busy holiday season is that you too can carve out time for yourself for a few hours rest, finding peace to renew your soul. And if during your time of renewal you just happen to have your tank filled with a scoop or two of BlueBell peppermint ice cream that will just make it all the sweeter.

Holy God, I thank you for the way that you renew and refresh. Help us to remember in the midst of this season to find peace and nurture in you. Amen.

Photo “Ice Cream Time!” by Lorna Bradley

Home for the Holidays

Special Needs Parenting, , , , , , ,

Thanksgiving

Know that the LORD is God. It is he that made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name. (Psalm 100:3-4 NRSV)

My favorite holiday is just a few days away and my son is coming home.  I can’t wait! I’ve been so excited I’ve gotten a bit carried away buying or making his favorite things to eat. One person cannot possibly eat that much. His dad and I may need to help.

This is the first year that Craig has traveled to be with us, another milestone in his growing independence. When he was young, holiday travel was full of challenges. It got so complicated that we stopped going to visit others.  It turns out airplanes fly BOTH directions and if others wanted to see us for the holidays it was easier for them to come to us than for us to go to them. They were welcome to come, but often did not. “Home for the Holidays” took on a new meaning as we madeit a tradition to stay home. Our holidays were much simpler than the ones I had when I grew up, but they were just right size and fit for Craig.  In time, they became the right size and fit for me too. I used to worry he was short-changed, but in hindsight I see that the way we celebrate was less-overwhelming, less hectic, less frustrating. Smaller and simpler isn’t less, smaller and simpler is a blessing.

Embrace simplicity this holiday season. Live in the moment and treasure making memories in simple pleasures. Enjoy the many blessings God has shared with you and your family.

Gracious God, thank you for how you have blessed my family. Sometimes I get so busy that I do not notice how truly blessed I am. In this season of giving thanks, let me most of all give thanks to you for all that you are all that you have done. Your love and abundance and blessing amazes me. Amen.

Photo “Home for the Holidays” by Lorna Bradley

Leading online support groups…Lorna Bradley

Special Needs Parenting, , , , ,

Providing support and nurture to special needs parents is at the heart of my minsitry. Recently I had the opportunity through Key Minsitry to pilot an online support group. This was a something new for me and Key Ministry as well. I want to share with my followers what I learned in the process in case any of you want to try starting your own group. Feel free to get in touch if you have questions about how best to use this format for connecting with other parents.

Dr. G's avatarChurch4EveryChild

Lorna_Bradley“Can you hear me now?” Leading online support groups at times may feel a bit like a Verizon commercial as you iron out the technical issues some may experience when videoconferencing for the first time. However, once the technology becomes familiar to everyone online support groups create pathways of connection and support for even the most isolated of special needs parents.

Recently Dr. Steve Grcevich at Key Ministry provided to me the opportunity to lead a seven-week special needs parent support group online using material I wrote that will be published in early 2015. The purpose of the book is threefold. First, I want to provide a solid theological understanding of God’s presence and love in the midst of the journey with special needs. Second, I want to provide practical strategies for coping with challenges faced by virtually every special needs parent: grief, guilt, patience, self-care, and relationships. Third, I…

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